Don't Saddle Up Without 'Em!
by Laurie Partridge
Summary: The Cartwrights, Hop Sing, and Sheriff Roy Coffey peddle their favorite credit cards in a commercial featuring information from Bonanza Gold Magazine and MasterCard, Visa, American Epress, DiscoverCard and Diner's Club websites.


FADE-IN:

EXT. – CARTWRIGHT RANCH – DAY

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. – CARTWRIGHT LIVING ROOM – DAY

As a fire crackles in the fireplace.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL:

Ben Cartwright, seated in his favorite chair, next to the fireplace. His sons Adam and Hoss are seated next to him while Little Joe lounges on the settee. Ben glances at Little Joe with an annoyed expression.

BEN: Joseph!

Little Joe looks worried.

LITTLE JOE: Yes, Pa!

BEN: Feet off the settee.

Little Joe removes his dusty boots from the settee.

LITTLE JOE: Yes, Pa.

Each Cartwright smiles at the camera.

BEN, ADAM, HOSS, LITTLE JOE: Do you know who we are?

BEN: The Cartwright name is gold on the Ponderosa.

HOSS: Even in Virginia City and the rest of Nevada Territory the Cartwright name carries weight.

LITTLE JOE: But sometimes we travel to neighboring California, such as Placerville, Sacramento or San Francisco.

ADAM: Or I travel back east by stage to St. Louis, St. Joe, New York City or Boston.

BEN: Then we're just another rich ranching family.

Each Cartwright holds up an American Express Gold Card.

BEN, ADAM, HOSS, LITTLE JOE: That's why we carry the American Express Gold Card. Then our name is gold no matter where we travel.

BEN: With American Express Gold Membership Rewards Program we can each earn points toward an incredible variety of shopping, entertainment, and travel rewards.

Adam holds up a selection of American Express Travelers Checques.

ADAM: And American Express has the added benefit of Travelers Checques. I purchased some for Marty, who was living with her grandfather at a way station. She had some real talent as an artist and I sent her to San Francisco to take lessons from my friend who is an art teacher.

BEN: That's right. The convenience of American Express Travelers Cheques comes in handy when the Piper's Opera House presents such renowned talents as author Charles Dickens and opera singer Thomas Bowers. The Opera House accepted Cheque denominations of ten, twenty, fifty, and one-hundred dollars.

HOSS: American Express Travelers Cheques sure came in handy when we all got shanghaied in San Francisco!

LITTLE JOE: And when Jennifer Beale got lost at the carnival in Virginia City!

The Cartwrights hold up their American Express Gold Cards.

BEN, ADAM, HOSS, LITTLE JOE: American Express: Don't saddle up without it!

ADAM: I've always been careful about my money, and I do like American Express Travelers Cheques. But –

Hoss interrupts Adam.

HOSS: You never get into any dumb money trouble, Adam.

ADAM: That's not entirely true. I slipped up and let some unsavory citizens in Eastgate know just how much money I was carrying in my wallet.

BEN: True. There was also that time in Chiso when the stable owner overheard how much money was in our saddlebags after that cattle deal.

Adam pulls his Platinum DiscoverCard from his wallet.

ADAM: Now I carry DiscoverCard.

LITTLE JOE: What does that mean?

ADAM: It means every time I purchase a new guitar from New York City, I get money back.

Adam stares at his younger brothers.

ADAM: You do remember how the lovely Margarita and her temper managed to get my brand new guitar broken, don't you?

Hoss and Little Joe nod their heads.

ADAM: DiscoverCard features America's top cash rewards program where my unlimited cash rewards never expire. And I doubled my Cashback Bonus when I purchased my rifle from Spence Pullin. Spence is one of more than fifty brand name Partners with DiscoverCard.

Adam lets out a deep sigh as he stares at Hoss and Little Joe.

ADAM: Too bad I lost my rifle in a bet.

Little Joe grins.

LITTLE JOE: Security, Adam.

ADAM: Yes, security. I suppose I should blame myself for using my DiscoverCard to purchase a thoroughbred race horse to run in the annual Virginia City sweepstakes.

Ben grumbles.

BEN: I remember that hayburner. If I recall correctly, Adam, Little Joe beat you with Enos Milford's horse.

There is a knock at the front door.

BEN: Hoss, would you please answer the door?

HOSS: Why sure, Pa.

Hoss walks to the front door and opens it. Sheriff Roy Coffey rushes into the living room.

ROY: Now hold on there, Ben!

Ben jumps up from his chair.

BEN: What's wrong, Roy?

ROY: Not all of the establishments in Virginia City take American Express and DiscoverCard.

Ben sits in his chair.

BEN: No? What do they take, Roy?

Roy Coffey holds up a Platinum Visa Card.

ROY: Visa. It's everywhere in Virginia City you want to be. Visa means worldwide acceptance, dedication to innovative services, and complete security and protection. You can secure a reservation at the Palace Hotel or make your everyday purchases at the mercantile, restaurants, and saloons.

ADAM: The peddlers Aaron Kaufmann and Jacob Dormann accept Visa, Pa.

HOSS: Walter Prescott paid for his mail order bride with Visa, even if it didn't work out the way Mr. Prescott hoped it would.

ROY: Even Clementine Hawkins takes Visa at her boarding house.

Little Joe holds up a Visa L.L Bean Card.

LITTLE JOE: Roy's right, Pa. Every time you asked us to purchase some clothing for our unexpected female guests like Rosemary Larson, Willow Hoad, Calamity Jane, Trudy Harker, and the little blind girl Gabrielle, the dress shop took Visa.

BEN: Well, I'll admit there are some good uses for American Express, DiscoverCard, and Visa credit cards. Roy, why don't you visit? I'm sure Hop Sing won't mind setting another place at the table.

Roy sits on the settee next to Little Joe as Ben calls for Hop Sing.

BEN: Hop Sing!

Hop Sing enters the living room from the kitchen.

HOP SING: You call, Mister Cartlight?

BEN: Yes, Hop Sing. Roy will be joining us for supper.

HOP SING: No problem, Mister Cartlight.

BEN: Thank you, Hop Sing.

Hop Sing holds up his Gold MasterCard.

HOP SING: I ready to upgrade my benefits and purchasing power, thanks to many party at Ponderosa. Always have ready chicken, big sides roast beef, cakes, pies, bread, jam, jelly, and many ingredients for special Mister Cartlight punch!

HOSS: Don't forget eggs, bacon, sausage, ham, flapjacks, preserves, cornbread, and coffee, Hop Sing!

Hoss grimaces.

HOSS: But you can leave out the cheese. I don't care much for cheese.

HOP SING: Yes, take much money to feed Cartlights and guests. Visit cousins in San Francisco, priceless. MasterCard: There are some things money can't buy. For everything else there's MasterCard!

HOSS: Hop Sing you sure are making me hungry! And when you have a hearty eater like me in the house, there's no better credit card than Diner's Club.

Hoss holds up a Diner's Club card.

HOSS: I get Carte –

Hoss whispers to Little Joe.

HOSS: What's that word, Little Joe?

LITTLE JOE: Carte Blanche.

HOSS: Yes, I get Carte Blanche privileges with the top hotels, saloons, and restaurants all over the west. I had dinner in one of San Francisco's finest hotels with the lovely Helen Layton, all thanks to my Diner's Club card.

LITTLE JOE: Don't forget to tell about the rabbit deal we made, Hoss.

HOSS: Oh, yes. The rabbit deal. Diner's Club cards are welcome everywhere MasterCard credit cards are welcome because Diner's Club and MasterCard have a special alliance between them. That means I can stay at the best lodging places all over the United States and make a few deals too. Once, Joe and I went into the fur trade and purchased two rabbits for fifty dollars. It would have worked, 'cept neither of us could actually skin them.

Adam laughs.

ADAM: Pa wrote a letter to me telling me all about that little caper when I was visiting Boston.

BEN: Yes, we wound up with a veritable Ponderosa explosion of rabbits!

A BEAT

BEN: No matter what credit card – American Express, Visa, DiscoverCard, MasterCard, or Diner's Club – you choose to use, use it wisely and never spend more than you earn!

BEN, ADAM, HOSS, LITTLE JOE, HOP SING, AND ROY COFFEE: Don't saddle up without 'em!

FADE OUT.


End file.
